10. Apr, 2017

Toilet Procrastinator - A Character Study

Things have been getting a bit serious here in this weekly blog, and it’s Easter, so it’s time for some fun...

For the next few weeks, I’m going to provide character studies of the three protagonists in Daddy and the World’s Longest Poo: - Daddy, Mummy and of course, the little boy.

Let’s start with the most complex character first – Daddy, the ‘toilet procrastinator’.

What exactly is a toilet procrastinator and how can we understand his or her motivations?

Think about your own life for a moment. Have you ever known anyone who spends a long time on the toilet, on a regular basis? Someone who enjoys going to the toilet as a pastime, rather than a biological necessity. It might be your dad, your sister, your brother, your grandad, or you. Apart from being annoying to those around you, there is really no shame in it. It’s a common behaviour and people like this are usually quite happy to ‘own it'. They are toilet procrastinators.

Toilet procrastinators have a range of hobbies they like to do on the toilet. They might take a book or an iPad/iPhone in there, refer to a pile of magazines or papers stocked in the corner, listen to their iPod, use too much toilet paper, or zone out and enjoy the serenity. Unless you’re a mother with a young child, the toilet is a private space, all your own. No one can get to you in there and it provides the best excuse of all to hide away:- nature has called and can’t be ignored. The oldest trick in the book!

The 'Daddy', of Daddy and the World’s Longest Poo fame, is a serial toilet procrastinator but what is usually quite a private behavior has now come under the spotlight. His four-year-old son depends on him and can’t understand where he disappears to for hours on end. The little boy looks high and low until he finally stumbles on a closed toilet door and an unsuspecting Daddy behind it.

Suddenly, the toilet procrastinator’s hard-earned peace has been shattered and his toilet-hiding ruse exposed. His son is onto him and is not going to give up until he finds out exactly what Daddy is doing in there. One can only imagine and this, he does, with gusto.

But is the longest poo literal or figurative? Do toilet procrastinators really poo more than other people, or do they just see it as an opportunity for time out, in the way that 'in-and-out' toilet-goers do not.

And how on earth does a small child reconcile these behaviours? In the case of the little boy in Daddy and the World’s Longest Poo, he uses his imagination with hilarious results. You’ll just have to get your hands on a copy to see for yourself.

And now that we’ve finally shed some light on the definition of ‘toilet procrastinator’, and the signs to look for, it’s time to turn our attention to the antithesis of the ‘long-pooer’. This would be the toilet ‘in-and-outer’, or for the purposes of this book, Mummy. More on this next week...

Happy Easter, readers!